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What defensively means?
1 : serving to defend or protect defensive fortifications. 2a : devoted to resisting or preventing aggression or attack defensive behavior He became defensive when I brought up his spending habits.
What is an example of defensiveness?
A common indicator of defensiveness is attacking someone else’s personal character or history. If you are in an argument with your spouse, for example, an ad hominem attack would be pointing out that they’re a lazy person when the argument is really about who should have been responsible for paying that late bill.
What is defensive behavior?
1. aggressive or submissive behavior in response to real or imagined threats of harm. A cat, for example, may exhibit defensive aggression by spitting and hissing, arching its back, and raising the hair along the back of the neck in anticipation of a physical threat (see animal defensive behavior).
What is defensiveness in a relationship?
Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. The third horsemen in the Four Horsemen is defensiveness, which is defined as self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack.
What causes defensive behavior?
If you lack the skills to communicate in an assertive way, or feel anxious socially, this might translate into defensive behavior. A reaction to shame or guilt. If you are feeling guilty about something and someone else brings up a related topic, then you might respond in a defensive manner.
Is being defensive a bad thing?
That’s a good thing, because otherwise you would be helpless. However, psychological defensiveness can be destructive. It’s a very complex type of behavior. However, defensive behaviors are usually harmful for both the person doing them and those on the receiving end.
What causes defensiveness?
As you’ve learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. If a person is feeling this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument. Instead, show empathy and concern for the situation that the other person is experiencing.
How do I stop being defensive?
How to Not Be Defensive
- Know your triggers and anticipate them.
- Give it a name.
- Assume good intentions.
- Don’t take it personally.
- Adopt a growth mindset.
- Exercise self-compassion.
What are signs of being defensive?
Signs You Are Defensive
- Stop listening to the other person.
- Make excuses about whatever you are being criticized about.
- Blame the other person for what they are criticizing you about.
- Accuse the other person of doing the same thing.
- Try to justify your actions.
What triggers defensiveness?
Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger.
Can defensiveness ruin a relationship?
Defensiveness in any form has only one purpose: to invalidate, suppress, or diminish the other partner’s current thoughts, feelings, or actions. It is a dangerous and hurtful game that damages self-worth and the ability to heal from negative encounters.
How do you deal with a defensive person?
How to Talk to a Defensive Person: Dos and Don’ts
- Try to understand why someone is defensive.
- Consider the other person’s preferred communication style.
- Give a defensive person space to process their feelings.
- Remember that everyone has bad days, and their defensiveness may have nothing to do with you.